I really suck at blogging these days

Where has the time gone? Honestly this is ridiculous. My last post was in the holidays and now we are right at the end of term 4. We have been enjoying the warm, long days, all the yummy summer fruits and celebrating the lovely flowers in bloom. 

We sadly said goodbye to the jacarandas at the girls' school in preparation for new buildings. Come January the school will have sixty more children than it did 18 months ago when G started. G has the countdown to the holidays, and her birthday which falls in the first week. On the flipside, B has continued her countdown to the first day of prep. I have helped out in the tuckshop a few times his term and G's teacher has been kind enough to have B in class for the day. She had such a ball. 

 

H has a cleft clinic appointment in a couple of weeks. In the meantime we were at the gp this week for a bout of tonsillitis where we discovered that her left grommet is still in. On her right side there is a fluid build up

but no infection right now. That is the ear that tends to play up so we will keep an eye on it. 

Her speech is slowly coming on. We have been working on a few exercises to help get those front of mouth sounds happening. We are still signing with her and find it invaluable.

The GP also wants to keep a bit of an eye on her weight. Like her sisters and me as a toddler, H is a skinny minnie. I know that she is healthy and that this is just the way she is, but because she will need surgery again before her next birthday I will be watching this more closely than I did her sisters.

And me? I have finished breastfeeding now. My body had enough and it was getting to the point where I was just not getting enough each pumping session for the time I was taking to feel worthwhile. This has given me hours every single day and we don't need to rush home all the time for me to pump. 

I have knitted some longies for a little friend and some fingerless mits for a big friend. More about those to come. No promises for when I will actually get around to it though!

Reflecting

I am having so much trouble getting my thoughts into words today so please excuse the fuzz. I have been thinking about the last year and everything that has happened. Now that H has had her palate repair and is getting on with being an almost toddler I have had the chance to think about her babyhood and how it was completely different to what we expected. 

In the minutes before the ultrasound where we found her cleft I was sitting in the waiting room knitting and talking to a lovely old man. His wife was in for a routine scan to check on something or other in an existing condition she had. I have no memory of what it was, but I do remember the love in his words when he talked about her and the adventures they had in their long lives together. I wonder if her news that day was positive. I have only thought about that couple and that moment in time speaking with the man a couple of times since. Once when H was about three months old and I confessed to my homeopath that I had not picked up my knitting needles since that day, and the second time when I finally did pick up my needles to finish the piece I was working on. What a bittersweet feeling that was. 

I know I have said it about a thousand times in my blog since her birth, but H really is such an amazing person. One of the Mums at school described her perfectly last week; a busy little girl. She just has so much that she wants to get on with and do. This now includes opening the dishwasher and standing up to open the tupperware cupboard. She will open things, pull everything out, have a play and then move on to the next place I have left accessible to her and repeat.The girls put her on the hand me down tricycle last weekend. She had a ball and was so cranky when it was time to come inside. So much to do and such a strong personality wanting to do it.

This is a far cry from her early weeks when we were just home from the hospital. There were a few days where she was very sleepy and just did not want to feed. After a fantastic pep talk from my oldest and dearest friend, I used a special squeezy bottle to get more milk in with less effort on her behalf. Following that  there has been no looking back and now our clever poppet is even signing for milk or food when she needs nourishment.

Our girls have all just grown before our very eyes. G who used to be so clingy almost forgets to kiss me goodbye at school and B has had a countdown going on for the last four months to her prep orientation. Both have been through so much and come out strong yet caring.

H has her 12 month check up tomorrow. I am getting in early as we have a busy few weeks ahead. It is with a new doctor as her gp has gone on maternity leave. I am cyber stalking her as we speak and really hope she is nice and caring. I can tell that she is around my age, educated at UQ, has children of her own, prior to starting at the clinic last month was a paed in the public system and likes to shop online at my friend Nikki's favourite shop, Charlipop. Will know more tomorrow.....

Debrief

Monday saw our little one's palate repair. She was on morphine afterward so everything was a bit of an effort. Pesky things like breathing and staying awake were all too hard to bother with. 

She had a moderate amount of bleeding too, but nothing too bad. 

All but one of the registrars changed over since her last procedure. One of the new ones is fantastic and from a parent's perspective I see a good future for him. He cuddled H a couple of times and engaged with her. He also did all the right things with me like introducing himself and answering questions thoroughly. The new woman however has a little further to go..

The NUM was fantastic and very available with his office door, which is in the main corridor usually open. As usual the nurses were wonderful. They really are angels. 

Another thing I appreciated about the visit was that the anaesthetist recognised that H was unsettled before her op so asked me to accompany her into theatre. This is not something they routinely do with babies under the age of 1. It was good to see for myself that within seconds of getting into theatre she was asleep and ready to go and the volunteer explained to me that having me there, H took deeper breaths than she would have if she were even more unsettled.

Things were pretty heavy on the ward. Last time she was in there were lots of misadventure by otherwise healthy kids leading to a night's stay and tonsillectomies. This time there were quite a few regulars and new babies with a long road ahead.

Feeding has been an absolute bitch. Usually H feeds herself and takes her own bottle. Maybe once a day I can give her a cuddle while she drinks her milk. As you can imagine, going from being able to feed yourself to wearing arm splints and not being able to suck or eat is no fun.  I had a big teary one day after she vomited a whole feed when I gave her panadol. I got the head tilt and "would you like a break" from the nurse.  I chose to grab a blanket and cuddle up for a nap with my sweety which was a much better choice for us.

The speech therapist from the hospital and our CleftPALS contact have both given me many, many suggestions. Something that works for one feed often does not follow on to the next. Our biggest success has been mashed potato and pumpkin with her milk poured down the side. Each mouthful is mainly milk and a bit of mash. So 2.5ml at a time we are slowly, messily getting the food in.

She has found a new passion this week, drawing. Big sisters use whiteboard markers on the fridge and she has a go at every chance she can get.

So now we are on to the school holidays. All three girls have colds so we are keeping close to home while they get well. Stopping and appreciating simple things like a cubby in the backyard is probably just what they need right now. A nice way to finish a big week.

One last thing on an already long (for me) post, where were we when we heard about our first woman PM? Awaiting discharge from the hospy sitting at her bed. Everyone else in the room had their TV on and another family had to tell me what was going on. That explained why I could not find ABC kids earlier while flipping through the channels.

Sign baby

H's Speech Therapist suggested introducing some signs to help her on the way to speaking. I think even after palate repair it will be good while she works out what to do with all the new sounds she will (hopefully!!) be able to make. I have been making the sign for milk with her over the last couple of weeks as well as singing songs with gestures like Twinkle Twinkle and Open Shut Them.

I found little gem at the ABC shop yesterday and have already mentioned it to a couple of Mums who have children with delayed speech or hearing issues so I thought I might as well post about it here. Gorgeous Sofya from Play School teaches AUSLAN with interviews from parents and great tips to help making signing with babies / toddlers a success. On top of that, there are some nursery rhymes to sign and sing along to.

Just a few days till her op now. Last time around it consumed almost all my thoughts, but this time it is not quite as intense. I have dropped trying to get her to practice with her post op teats as it was just leading to tears- hers as well as mine!! We WILL get there.

Sign Baby

Rated: E (exempt from classification)
Released: 2009 
ISBN / Catalogue Number: 0760680

A return to routine

Before I became a mother I did not care for routine. It was probably a by product of being a shift worker for 11 years. It did not take G long to teach me that she does need and like a familiar rhythm so with all the changes our family has gone through, finding and establishing routine is what sets everyone back to a peaceful place. 

After H's surgery and everyone in the family but me being ill last week it is time to get back to what we do best. DH is back at the office, G is at school with us doing the school run. My washing is on the line and H is down for her morning nap. B is enjoying having some personal space and my undivided attention. 

Serenity now.

H looks gorgeous. The surgeons did an amazing job which is even more obvious now her sutures are removed. I must admit I find the change a little confronting after so many months of loving her with her cleft. It is lucky those cheeky eyes and blonde hair are the same. She is still not feeling 100% after her fever but she is eating up a storm and her temp has not spiked again so that is a good sign.

Did I say things were going very well?

Not long after my last post I noticed that H's temp was quite high for her. After further monitoring over the next few hours, we ended up in the hospital for a sleep over while the Drs did tests to try to work out where the infection is from. Is it the same bug that has struck her sisters and now Dad or is it an infection in relation to her surgery? We still don't know but I have been able to bring her home with the instruction that if she gets worse I am to take her to the children's hospital where a member of the plastics team can look at her.

Either way we will be back in on Monday for her sutures removal.

The hospital where we spent last night was the one where H was born. It was almost like a little homecoming with familiar paediatricians looking after H which was comforting. One was actually present at her birth. Just as lovely, when one of the nurses went down to maternity to get some breast pump parts for me she mentioned to the midwives that there was a little cleft affected girl on the ward. The midwives asked if it was H and were very excited to hear that aside from the fever she is going well. One even popped in this morning to say hello which was so nice.

So for now, we are keeping and eye on her and giving her some antibiotics. Funny, a couple of weeks ago I was concerned about maybe having to add some thickener to her breastmilk wondering what it would do to her tummy. I now realise how precious I was being and that sometimes you just have to let go of the ideals and do what you can under the circumstances presented.